I Forgot To Be Awesome & A Goodbye For A Year

Hey Friends.

It's late and a thought came to me while surfing a few favorite bloggers. Somewhere along the line I forgot to be awesome. I'm sure that comes off a little vain, but it's the truth. Who I was at 18 was wild and free. I jumped into anything creative, fun, daring and never thought twice. I'm sure motherhood, worrying what others thought,  bills, and climbing the scrapbook world ladder (it's a real thing) over time are what did me in and that makes me sad. I kinda can't help but think "Where did the fun Heidi go?". I won't say that I'm lost, because I know who I am and I love me. It's that I feel burnt out. I still crave to be creative and I have so many ideas, but never allow myself time to indulge in them. I still love life, but often worry and allow stress to wipe away that amazingly fun 18 year old. 

Sure we should all grow up, but does that mean we have to give up who we are to the core? because I'm a dork and always gravitate towards the sunshine. I'm sick of worrying I've done something wrong and stressing over the smallest things. I miss just having fun and breathing in the beautiful moments life gives me daily. I am so darn blessed. I adore my Mr. Sonboul. I have the biggest crushes on my boys and now with a daughter on the way, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. 

So here's the thing. I have been terrible at blogging, crafting, DIYing, pulling out my camera, having too much fun and just being the real Heidi. Sure I look cute and fun at CHA, but let me be honest and say... Girl, that's been an act! What I mean is, the "now and present Heidi" wears yoga pants all day with no makeup and hair in a bun. YES! I'm even burnt out on fashion and taking care of me. 

I want to keep it real and that means I really need a timeout. I miss being creative and just being fun. I'm not running away from life, but I'm going back to the basics and putting life first. With all these ideas flowing in my head I have decided to take a LONG break from the blogging and scrapbook world. When I come back (in maybe 6 months to a year) I'm hoping to be "me" again, because I miss being awesome.  I have a list of things I want to do and I am finally allowing myself time to do them and it's about time! So until we meet again, THANK YOU ALL for being so supportive in every thing I've done online. My heart is truly full. 


A baby on the way

Last Thursday I shared some big news that I'm expecting again and to be honest I was really nervous to share the news. My level of excitement is over the moon, but getting here wasn't easy. If you remember back in march 2013 I had a terrible miscarriage that broke my family’s hearts. It took us a long time to get pregnant and then at 2 months and 4 days the babies heart stopped and instead of turning to anger, I turned to faith and evaluated everything in our lives.

I took a long break to heal and to find me, which was amazing. I realized things that I thought were important just didn't matter anymore and I started to value the bigger picture.  I took a breath and day by day found my inner peace, which allowed me to help heal our family. Once you experience a miscarriage it has you on edge. If it happens once, it could happen again. My soul still longs for that baby we lost and the fear of it happening again is so near to my heart.

Right before CHA I had my first doctors appointment and I LOVE my new doctor! She is so darling and said "I see that your last pregnancy was a miscarriage. I am going to do everything I can to help you carry this baby to full term, but our first goal is to get you past the 10 week mark”  (which is when I last miscarried). 

At my 3 month checkup I was filled with joy knowing that I was at 12 weeks. It's amazing how priceless hearing that heartbeat was to me. I do believe that this baby will be okay and we all love it so. Yes I've been sick like a dog and I've lost 12lbs. Yes I'm totally tired all the time and all I want to do is sleep. Yes it's weird having Mr. Sonboul and my boys watching my every move, but in a way I love it. I've never felt so pampered and cared for. No one lets me pick anything up and it's as if I'm preggo in the 1800's lol! And because I'm obsessed with goals...

Here are my goals:

  1. Make it to 6 months first
  2.  Make it to full term 
  3. Try not to gain back everything I lost. 
  4.  Find out what it is at 18 weeks
  5.  take it easy. 

Before I go, I wanted to thank everyone for all the sweet comments and joy sent our way. Your friendships mean so much to me and I will be forever grateful! Thanks for being so amazing to me


PS next week I'll share pics and other due date info :)


Happy Birthday To Me!

This post is a little over due but thought it's never too late.

I started my birthday off to breakfast in bed, thanks to Mr. Sonboul, Bradley, and Calvin. Fresh fruit, a bagel with cream cheese, and yogurt was the perfect healthy start to my day. With every bite I took I had Calvin waiting for me to say I was finished so he could take over the meal. It's funny how much he LOVES melon. 

To be completely honest, the day before my birthday (10/30) I was feeling down. Mr. Sonboul had to work on my birthday. We got a flat tire at the end of the night and Calvin started to get sick. The funny thing is that for the past 6-7 years I've had someone get sick or had something happen to the car, on the day before my birthday or on my actual birthday. I'm not trying to be a complainer, but dang... it's almost like a birthday curse! Mr.Sonboul was so sweet and took off the day to get the tire fixed (so I didn't have to) and stayed up with Calvin on Halloween night when he wasn't feeling well (it was kinda weird getting sleep and not helping out with a sick kid, but heck I'm no sucker and tookhim up on his offer). 

As of now I'm officially 33 and it's amazing how much older I feel. Like really... I feel old this year. I know I'm not really, but I feel that I am. So I got to thinking about this new year and what I wanted to do with myself and this is what I came up with:

  1. Get back into crafting
  2. Bake more
  3. Redo my blog
  4. Sew more
  5. Play outside more
  6. Stress less
  7. Kiss more
  8. Date more (Mr. Sonboul ;)
  9. Make it to 1 year of no sugar (almost there. 3/2015)
  10. Get down to 200 lbs
  11. Be better at taking time for me
  12. Stop being frumpy on the weekdays
  13. Get back into photography
  14. Try to listen to a LDS General Conference talk daily
  15. Read a book
  16. Decorate our home for all the holidays
  17. Organize everything around me (Garage, house, schedule)
  18. Paint something and hang it in our home
  19. Keep our car clean
  20. Spend more time with family
  21. Do a weekly service project for another
  22. Be positive
  23. Travel more
  24. Take Daily walks
  25. Do all of my yearly doctor checkups
  26. Throw more parties
  27. Be on time to church
  28. Be kinder
  29. Watch all of my favorite movies
  30. Stop procrastinating
  31. Go to bed on time
  32. Have a girls night out once a month
  33. Take better care of my skin

Fassy Journey

Well hello friends! I'm sure many of you think I've fallen off the weight loss wagon. I guess you can say that I did a little, but I haven't rolled back down the hill. Over this last month I've been feeling sick and so I've decided to continue to take a break. Being that I haven't been working out, I knew that I gained a little weight. I stepped on the scale this morning and it said I was 253 lbs. When I last weighed in I was at 248, which means I've gained 5 LBS! I still haven't eaten any sugar, but I've been hit and miss with my carb intake. I'm sure this is why I gained back 5 lbs. 

As I checked the boys candy for drugs and what not, I have to admit I really wanted to dive right in! However, I held strong and handed over the candy to the boys. Let me tell you... that was a first! So that's it for now and I will check back in a few weeks :)

Thanks for all your support!


Fassy Journey: Week 26

It's amazing how taking off a month to not go bald can cause me to feel like I'm starting at day one again. Yes I worked out every day this week, but again... I was taking it easy. The good news is my hair has STOPPED falling out. WOOHOO! Taking a daily vitamin and extra calories corrected the issue. 

Now that my hair is okay, I can really focus on losing weight again. It's funny after losing 60+ pounds I felt skinny and now after taking a full month off, I feel fassy again. I guess it's all relative and this is why I'm trying to teach myself to embrace "me" at any size. I can remember being 16 and thinking I was soooo fat at 160lbs. I was a tall teen and was in a size 8. Now if I got into a size 8 I would die from the excitement!

Today when I stepped onto the scale it said I was at 248 lbs. which means I've lost .2 oz. It's not a lot, but it's something and I learned a lot this week. I learned that I started using carbs to replace sweets.  I learned that my body is happier when I'm healthier (duh!), and I saw what a month off of hard workouts can do. Again, it feels like I'm back at day one and man am I sore again. Here is hoping that next week I will see a good number on the scale. Thanks again for all your support and I hope your own weight loss journey is going well. Remember to stick to it! We got this!